Best Song Ever!!!

This is a great MG song and I think that everybody not just MGs should love it!!!

I LOVE BRENT!!!

Okay so as many of you may or may not know I have been having a very difficult week. I am afraid to fall asleep and I am also super stressed and together that just breeds depression and a problem of what to do with myself. Well I am glad that BRent is in tune with the spirit and sent me a letter on a day that I really needed it. So I got it today and I was pretty much the happiest girl on the planet again.
I know that he doesn't want me to send him any packages or anything for his birthday or Christmas but I think I am going to anyway just cause he asked me not to. I am going to send a big ole box and put a candy bar and a singing card in it and then he will not be upset at me for sending him a package but then I won't be going without sending anything. But in the letter I got today I was reassured of his love and I was so excited that I got to hear about how he wanted to join the 24 hour club too.



I absolutely love this boy and you have no idea how hard it will be on me if something doesn't work out between us. But I was also reassured today of the amount of love that he has for me and he is totally encouraging me to go to DC even though I will be a five hour flight away from him. But I think that I will not get any postions thus far I have only been offered a we will let you know in a few weeks when we get back in the office. I know that I love BRent even more cause he is willing to support me in this. Without BRent and his letter today I know I would be sitting on FB looking for advice from MGs on how to make it by one more day. I am so excited for New Years Eve when he gets home. I am hoping that I was also able to convince him to live close to me by saying hey move here and then we can spend more time together.

I love BRent and I am going to post some more stuff later about this.

Outy,
Jordo

What has happened?!?!?

Okay so I have lately been losing sleep cause I am having nightmares and I am afraid to fall asleep. These nightmares have been differing in scariness and feelings caused in me. The first set of these occured a few months ago when I decided to take a hiatus from boys even though BRent told me to date. These dreams have involved anything from us holding hands out in front of us in a position to kiss with hands to our sides but in the grasp of each other and then turning away. This dream was also followed by a series of dreams where we see each other and realize that we are not meant to be even though we never reconnected or anything like that. The third one was really wierd and I haven't had it more than that one time. But it involved me and a rather ridiculous outfit. Then BRent questioning what I was wearing and why and then not getting the ending cause someone decided to call me super early like six AM. (This one I may have decoded I think it means that I BRent and I are not as well matched for eachother as a couple quite a bit like my outfit that I was wearing in my dreams) Other dreams that me and BRent have both been in are about either him dying or us not working out for some reason or another. I keep getting scared to fall asleep cause I am afraid of the nightmares that are bound to follow.I need some extra help someway to get me through this cause I cannot go without sleep for two more months and three days.

If you have an advice or suggestions or anything that you think might help please let me help.

Rhino vs Unicorn

So omce upon a time I was reading my friend's Facebook Status which read, "Deborah is having one of those days when she looks like a unicorn but feels like a rhino." Then I copied that from her and had it that way for a few days in fact.This status started a very long chain of thoughts and things that create the way I feel to the people who read my stauts.
I just had to share this status and why it is so important

A little reason that I am waiting

Waiting for God's Best - UnknownEveryone longs to give themselves completely to someone.To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be lovedthoroughly and exclusively.But to a Christian, God says no.Not until you're satisfiedand fulfilled and content, unreservedly to me alone.I do love you my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,you will not be capable of the perfect humanrelationship that I have planned for you.You will never be united with anotheruntil you are united with Me,exclusive of any other desires or longings.I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, andallow Me to bring it to you.You just keep watching Me,expecting the greatest things.Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am.Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you.You must wait.Don't be anxious.Don't worry.Don't look around at the things that others have gotten or that I've given them.Don't look around at the things that you think you want.Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you.And when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a lovefar more wonderful than any would ever dream of.You see, until you are readyand until the one I have for you is ready,until you are both satisfiedexclusively with Me and the life I have planned for you,you won't be able to experience the lovethat exemplifies your relationship with Me,and is thus perfect love.I am working even this minute,to have both of you ready at the same time.And dear child, I want you to have the most wonderful love.I want you to see in the flesh apicture of your own relationship with Me,and to enjoy materially and concretely theeverlasting union of beauty and perfection.



So I found this on the W4AM page and had to share it.
This is why I am waiting!!!

New Years Eve and my induction into the 24 Hour Club!!!

Okay so ladies he told his release date and I am thrilled to the moon and back!!! I am still sitting here with a large smile glued to my face and dancing around and uber super happy and delightful and nothing seems to bother me. Man if this is what love really feels like than I want to always be in love. I guess it is true what they say about love being when your reality is finally better than your dreams. I am thinking to myself am I going to be able to deal with this when he gets home and then it hits me it is like almost here. I somehow was really excited that decided to crack and tell me when he is getting home. I also like how it was so nonchalantly just like I am too sad to be leaving this place and I look forward to seeing you soon.


I will be released December 31st. That was it and I loved that little detail about it. S0 if you need me to tell you when he is coming home cause you missed t then here it is December 31st 2008!!! I am so excited that i just do not know what I am going to do with myself!! In fact I made up a little rhyme which totally proves that I am way too giddy for my own good. Here is part of it. Now I cannot remember it but as soon as I do I will write it down somewhere and then I will post it so that you can all share in my giddiness!! 69 Days from now baby!!!

First thing on my list is New Years 24 Hour club induction!!!

Church was Amazing today

Okay so today I was kinda bummed out about life and love and school and other things that are incapable of being pin pointed. Well my day got better somehow. I think it started today with Sacrament Meeting when we talked about how service gives us strength and courage to do whats right even when it seems hard. I also learned that by doing what is right I am creating a trend that I can carry through for the rest of my lfe. Then in sunday school I learned about how I can conquer my trials just like the nephites dis when they battled gidionhi. Then in relief society I knew that my trio of lessons just for me were drawing to an almost perfect ending. This event was only topped by Aaron when he bore his testimony at Ward Prayer about the same things I felt.

Man do I love when things like that happen. Yeah I am still upset but I know that it is okay to just go on and that eventually it will get better.

HELP!!!

Okay this is my call for help readers. I am letting satan influence my life a lot more than I really should but it is worse is that I kinda like how I am feeling by allowing this to happen. At first when I was a straight laced "molly mormon" at work I had no respect, I was teased and ridiculed. Now that I am bending my standards a little bit I am getting some attention and even a little bit of respect as a true asset. The other problem I am having is that I am facing troubles with my friends right now and these friends really make me feel like a really bad person. They are great people and they are so smart and wise and all of that good stuff. The only problem is that I am not that way at all. I am very small and timid and young in my learning of the gospel. They make me feel so insignificant around them. That is why I suddenly have decided that I like to hang out with the work girls even though it is a bad environment and I bending my standards to fit in with them. They do not make me feel so bad about myself or about anything that I do. I love hanging with them but I am fearful that if I hang with for too long I am going to become to much like them and will in turn become less and less of the person that I want to be. I need help on how to either solve this problem or to satisfy the demands of both of my senses.

I love when Prayers are answered unexpectedly

Okay so here it goes. The other day I was having a pity party cause I was treated badly by some of my friends and I choose not to leave so as not to upset them or to cause them to feel bad just because they could see it. Well I wanted them to feel bad but for them wanting to not from guilt whatever. Well I vented about it here and on the MG wall and I found out later that another MG is my visiting teacher and that I now have somebody who I know will listen and will also understand. Another way in which I was blessed was today. I was working and this customer was handing me something so that I could see it to find her the one in her size and I saw her ring. Then I was like that is totally the ring that I want. So of course she went on told me about it and come to find out later she waited for a missionary and here she is ten years and three kids later telling me to stop worrying about all of that crap and to just remember that I love Brent. She was like an answer to my prayers cause I really needed to hear words of comfort from somebody who is a lot further along in the waiting than even me. I love when my prayers are answered through different ways than is expected.

What you are listening to...

Okay so there in case you haven't noticed there is music playing in the background whil reading this. well here is why I thought it would give you all a better understanding of what is happening in my life and why I feel the way I feel.

1. Traveling Soldier by Dixie Chicks, yeah Brent is not actually a soldier but he is a member of Gods Army is that close enough. Seriously I am just like I really like the waiting for letters theme in this letter it just makes me sooo happy.
2. Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Calliat, okay the song that I swear evry MG has on their playlist. It is totally about knowing which souls can connect over a varying area of circumstance. We can somehow connect with each other and know when something is wrong without saying a word to each other. We are just in love like that I guess.
3. I believe in Love by Dixie Chicks, I believe in love it is that simple. Gah do I love that Cowboy and Indian, man that will be a lot of fun when he gets home.
4. There You'll Be by Faith Hill, okay so it is totally a song that talks about how no matter what is happening we will always be there for each other and we will never let each other go, even from our memories, cause that is the type of impact we have had on each others lives.
5. Not a Day Goes By by Lonestar, I cannot go a single day without thinking about Brent and the amazing man of God that he is becoming. I am always thinking about him it seems like. I do not know what I will do once he is home and thinking about him constatly is replaced with him actually being here. I am always thinking about him even if I don't admit it to him all the time.
6. Come Home Soon by SheDaisy, okay so this song is one that has a video that is for soldiers once again but I feel that it applies so well to MGs that I couldn't resist. It also talks about how I go about my normal everyday life and while doing so I cannot help but think about how life will be when he comes home. I hope he is wishing on the same stars and the same everything else. I know I am not alone but I know that I feel very alone and it is hard and I want him here so that I am not alone.
7. Love Story by Taylor Swift, Okay so this pretty much needs me to explain every little part of it that fits into my life. So the beggining it talks about how we were both young and that we were told not to be together. Well I was twelve and Brent was fourteen when we met and then his parents pulled him away and we could not see each other any more. The next part in the song is about how they secretly see each other. Then when we got older we started having a little correspondence between each other and that for the most part it was secret. Then it goes into a part about how their love is difficult and that it is still real. That is me and Brent, people are always telling me that I should not feel this way. Hello that is exactly word for word of my life. "They're trying to tell me how to feel. This love is difficult but its real. Don't be afraid we'll make it out of this mess its a love story baby just say yes."
8. What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts, okay so this song is about death and other bad suff but I know that what is hurting so much is the things that I never got to say to Brent before he left cause I was afraid of what was going to happen if I did tell him. I am also feeling a different type of pain than most people because my experience is different than everybody elses, including MGs, I am the only one to explain what is happening. What hurts the most was being so close.

These are the songs take em or leave em for whatever you want to.

My Christmas Wish List

Okay I know that it is a little bit too early to be thinking about this but I just cannot resisit. Besides some of these are really really good. So here it goes and if you by some weird connection could help out with any of these things I would greatly appreciate it.

1. Hands Down joining the 24 Hour Club!!! (This can happen at any point it time not neccesarily just on Christmas) This can happen before, after, pretty much anytime during the Christmas season would be fine.
2. BRENT!!! Actually this should probably be a prerequisite for the first thing on my Christmas list but I knew that my MGs friends would appreciate this so much more. The reason that I want Brent is hello he has been gone for two years. He is supposed to be coming home sometime around Christmas time and I am so excited.
3. Money. I mean come on what type of college student doesn't appreciate a little bit of the green once in a while. Besides this will always be in style and it will never go unused like funny little christmas sweaters.
4. A video camera or my camera to be fixed so that it is usable again take pictures and videos of me and Brent
5. Brent
6. Brent
7. A new Ipod maybe but I would much rather have Brent
8. Brent
9. A new whitish wool coat so that I can be warm in Wyoming with Brent
10. Brent
11. A kiss under the misletoe with Brent
12. Snowing day, so that I can kiss Brent
13. Brent Brent Brent Brent
14. W0rld Peace
15. Brent

I love Brent and why

Okay so it may or may not be a surprise to any of you that I totally love Elder Brent Sorensen of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I am way excited for him to get home. So there are many reasons that I love him so but here are just a few if I can think of just a few okay okay I will list to my hearts content.

1. The first time we went on a date he was insistant that we had to go after preisthood session of conference even though I knew we would be able to just go betweeen the final saturday and the preisthood and he would be just fine but in normal him style he insisted on going after so that he could ensure that he was on time and so that he could give me all the attention that he felt I deserved. (Isn't he such a good little priesthood holder)
2. He is the type of person that helps you solve problems by doing absolutely nothing but listening to you vent about it for a little while. He is always good as a listening ear and the occasional uh huh or mm hmm or okay or go on or whatever. (I just love his listening skills)
3. He is great with small children. Once upon a time he came with me to a softball game that my sister was playing in and of course being the musical genius that he is he has no athletic ability at all so he simply played around with my little brother. He has this unique and sometimes difficult to describe way of running around with children. I want to say that it is comparable to the Wiggles. He also is really great around his younger siblings especially his youngest sister Christina who has downs syndrome. (How many men are there out there ladies, ones that love little kids no matter how different they are)
4. He is very gentlemanly, about most things, so we went to prom in Wyoming once and it snowed like a mad dog, in APRIL. Well he was super corteous and he dropped me off at the door of course opening it and grabbing my hand so as to escort me into the dance, Cinderella like I think so, and then he opened the door for me and took my coat and all that stuff prior to even parking the car. (He treats me like the daugther of God that he and I both know I am)
5. He didn't move too fast and always respected me when I said no or not today or something to that effect. Once upon a time we were at Lagoon and we were having a great time and he really really wanted to kiss me and I said no. Now do not give me a hard time yet. I had been dating him for over a year and I liked him a lot but, I was absolutely afraid that if I gave in I would be preventing him from going on a mission and I knew a long way back that I never wanted to be the reason that a boy didn't go on a mission. (PS I later found out that I was one of the driving factors about him solidifing his decision to go on a mission, gah I love him!!)
6. He loved me no matter what. I was not the prettiest nor the most popular girl in school. In fact I was one of those girls who is often consodered wierd and shy or different. I was a band geek who had very few if any nameable friends. But he saw a different me, a me that nobody else saw, ever. He was my little reminder that God does love me throughout the worst part of my life and the awful hell that was high school. Brent loved me cause he saw the real me not the bullied shy hidden me but the real breathing me and he loved it. (I have always been a little bit bigger than my classmates and others and he still loved me even though he is a bean pole and like invisible if he turns sideways. GAH I love him!!)
7. He has the same goals and dreams as me, with maybe a slight disagreement about the number of children we want. I want the things that I know Brent would want. Not because I cannot think for myself but because I have the same goals as Brent. We both have the goals of marrying somebody we love more than ourselves in the temple for time and all eternity, having and raising children, living a virteous life, and eventually after all that we do entering the Celestial Kingdom one day. (Together our testimonies are invincable)
8. It helps that he loves music. I mean that is not the biggest thing that I love about him, but it certainly adds to his charm. I actually really love the fact that he can play hymns and other music that helps to bring the spirit in. But he does not just play piano, oh no, he also plays Clarinet, Bass Clarinet and Organ I am pretty sure.(I have always been attracted to a man that can play the piano)
9. He is a worthy man of God. I mean what type of girl does not love to see the glow that surrounds those boys who are just sooo good. That is Brent, he just glows with the light of the truthfulness of the gospel. He is the greatest person that I could ever hope to be with. AND NO GRANDMA I am not settling. I love him and I know that he loves me and that is enough. Just because I am not a person who marries for the wrong reason three times. Sorry back to reality now. I love the fact that Brent just shows that he knows the truth in everything he does. (A missionary is totally that way anyway isn't he I mean they are the carriers of truth and the bearers of testimonies they are the wonderful people that are to bring about a great cause in this work. They totally carry the light of Christ with them all the time. I love my missionary.)
10. He went to the Lord to find my heart. Somewhere in the scriptures, not sure where, it says that a girl should hide her heart with God and that a boy must find God to find her heart. well that is exactly what Brent has done. Brent is the greatest person in the world and he has found God and has learned how to better love me and I in return have found how to better live him from finding God. (this is very important considering that someday I am planning to make a covenant with Brent and my Heavenly Father and this would be difficult to do if I do not know God)

I love MGs

Okay so most of you readers are my MG friends and as MGs we have the responsibility to keep in contact with each other and to know everything about almost everything about each other. Okay so the other day I was dealing with an exceptionally large amount of MG hatred not by me to you girls but from other people to me and to you girls, people that they don't even know, and that was when it hit me. BAM!!! I am going to vent to you about this. So I did and you for some reason were able to get me through this without doubt and in everyway possible. That event is what inspires this post posting. I love Brent and I love you girls for giving me what I am wanting form Brent but cannot have. So here is the post ten things I love about MGs

1. We have our own lingo (Haters, MGs, etc.)


2. There is always at least one other girl on when we need to talk


3. We can be the best of friends without ever meeting eachother in person


4. We do not judge


5. We always comfort and lift


6. We have spontaneously planned get togethers


7. We ALL love our boys


8. We show a great amount of support and strength thereby being an example to the others around us


9. We deal with more bologna from everybody than anybody should ever have to


10. WE ARE JUST FLAT OUT AWESOME and anybody who disagrees can eat a skunk!!!

MGS I <3>

Haters and Self Righteous People Bug me

Okay so in case you missed my last wall post on the MG site I am now officially a hater of haters and I really am extremely offended by the words of one of the members of my ward who I had thought was my friend.
So here is how it went down. I was playing games at this kid in my wards house and we were just talkin and then it gets down to the basics of what is going in my life so of course I talk about Brent I mean how can I stop. So we are talking about it and some self righteous kid is all like I think that all boys need to break up with their girlfriends before they leave. And I was like that is not such a good idea. And then he went all whatever no girl is the exception to the rule so there is no need to justify your way out of it, NO EXCEPTIONS. I firstly wanted to say well there is no rule, secondly I am not clingy and possesive of him, thirdly I have done exactly as he wished which was date other people and lastly I am sick of you indoctrinating me into believing that I am a bad person cause I have done what is right. Well here they go on about how bad of an idea it is to have me waiting around for a missionary cause blah I am a distraction and he should lock his heart and give me a break I am sick of it and after a while coming from all parties surronding me I was feeling quite hurt. So in my normal style after being hurt I kinda shrug and play off a lot of stuff and my friend Rose could totally tell that this was a major thing running through my head and so she is all like you don't have to feel bad and I was like but I choose to. Here is where it gets better. So the other kids whos' house we were crashing at was like well choosing to feel bad about yourself is not taking advantage of the atonement like it should be and I was like *shrug* whatever. And then Rose keeps trying to cheer me up but I don't want to be and then this other kid keeps giving me a super hard time about all sorts of stuff about how I am feeling and I do not want to hear as all of you can very well imagine. Well I wasn't just going to get up and leave cause that would just kinda scream I am totally offended I am leaving now. So I sit through this and deal with it and get on with my life. Eventually I leave and of course I get in my car turn on my Brent music and start driving. As soon as I am away from visibility from the house I start crying and having retortal conversations to myself hoping that it would make a difference in what happened, which of course we know won't happen. Then I finally get home and that is when it hits me that hello I just need to vent to someone who understands. That is why this story is written all over the MG wall and now on my blog.

Tis all for the super lonely, waiter hater and self righteouss lecturer hater

PS Politics were also discussed in this conversation and y'all should be proud of me for not opening my mouth too wide actually not opening my mouth at all. I am so glad I have somewhere to vent about my problems.